{Christmas Day}.....Santa arrived and the boys were super excited. The little man has been on the naughty list more than the nice list this year so he was worried about the lump of coal he might find on his couch Christmas morning. Lucky for him Santa must have thought he had been pretty good, cuz he got everything he wanted.  Jaden scored an i-phone 6, new cleats, bat bag, clothes, nixon watch, cleaning supplies for his truck, lots of Mt. Dew, gas card, i-tunes card and the list goes on. Jaxen scored legos (lots of legos), motor scooter (that goes way to fast), clothes, books, nike shoes, kindle HD and his list also goes on. I remind my kids often about how fortunate they are and never to take that for granted. Christmas was so good at our little home this year....To top it off, it snowed hard and made for a perfect white Christmas (it can melt and go away now).

{Christmas Eve 2014}.....I can't believe another Christmas Eve has come and gone. Wow, why does time fly by so fast. The last few years we have stayed home for Christmas. My kids have gotten used to it and wouldn't have it any other way. I think it is great to make your own traditions within your own home. Iwas in charge of Christmas Eve dinner and we had a great crowd this year. My brother and his crew was the first to arrive, the little man was glad because he had someone to play with instead of adults. We were honored this year to have my Uncle Darcy and Aunt Julie and her mother Afton. They have moved to Cedar from Virginia this last year, and Jaxen has really loved getting to know them better. Last but not least my in-laws and Grandma Miller arrived. We had great food and great company. Santa even made an appearance, he didn't manage to come in but kept peeking in the window and surprising the kids, he even had Uncle Darcy a little nervous. You never know who's really hiding behind the red suit was his comment. The little man had mixed up his reindeer food earlier that day the consists of oatmeal and cinnamon that he sprinkled over the lawn. Of course, the Christmas Story got watched a few times, it is Jaden's favorite and he couldn't wait for it to come on. Christmas is a special time and I love that I am making great memory's for my kids....Life is Good.
 P.S. never forget if you don't BELEIVE you don't RECEIVE. The little man is convinced that Santa loves olives and Mt. Dew, I have thrown in a cookie or two the last couple of years....just in case.

{See the word}.....JOY, and then see those two faces next to it. That is what certainly what comes to my mind when I hear this word. Sure, we had plenty of packages and presents under the tree, and we had enough food to feed an army, we had a grand time this Christmas, but truly this is my JOY..

{Christmas Break 2014}....the kiddos are out of school, which can be good and bad all in the same minute. I tried to stay on top of things, my shopping, wrapping, cooking, editing, cleaning and what else you name it so that I could spend some good quality time with my kids over the break. I can honestly say that I am ready for the jolly old man in the red suit to show up....We had a fun day today ice-skating, which the little man is not a huge fan of. It hurts his ankles and he really hates to be cold. Luckily the brother saved his life by pushing him around the ice skating rink. I guess there is an advantage to being the little man. We ended up finishing up the night by going the Big Hero 6 for the second time, it is great and I am ready for a wonderful Holiday Season.
     P.S....I always want to remember the funny things that the little man says and today there were 2 great one. He got mad at his legos which is what he wants for Christmas and he said, "Dear Legos, I guess I really want a dog".     and then he was trying to prove that he was right and he said, "I am as positive as a person touching a snake that doesn't think it's going to bite him". He is random for sure...

{and so it begins}....the racing around and the lists and the obligations. and every year we utter  "this Christmas will be different.....we'll keep the focus where it's supposed to be..." but somehow, the season and the good intentions rush by. but savor this sweet thought-that every person in your life, even those you just cross paths with,  has been placed there on purpose. we can always be his light, and so this CHRISTmas, find quiet in the chaos by keeping HIM close and being his light remembering that giving should be out of celebration for what he gave to us- His only Son. It truly is the most Wonderful Time of the Year...Enjoy!

{The GROWING up phase}....sucks for me I am not going to lie. From the moment you hold your baby in your arms, you will never be the same. You might long for the person you were before, when you had freedom and time, and nothing in particular to worry about. You will know tiredness like you never knew it before, and days will run into days that are exactly the same, full of feedings and burping, whining and fighting, naps or lack of naps. It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don't FORGET....
There is last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed your baby  for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day and it will be that last time you will hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down and never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night and from that day on they will want to bath alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road, then NEVER reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for snuggles and it will be the last night you ever awake to this.
One day you will sing "The Wheels on the Bus" and do all the actions, then they never sing that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school fence, the next day they will ask to walk alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is.....you won't even know it's the last time.
Until there are no more times.
AND even then, it will take you time to realize.
So while you are living in these times, REMEMBER there are only so many of them, they don't last, and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.  For one last time.
It happens fast people, I can't stand it,  it's been a REAL struggle for me...

{It's a terrible thing}...I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is every ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good as time as any. With lots of big decisions right around the corner for this kid, it is time to get ready to do great things in the world. The future for you is bright, lots of opportunitys are waiting. I know it is a hard time right now deciding what you want to do, mission, college, get a job, move out....and the list goes on, but I know you will do what makes you the most HAPPY, because when you are happy, I will BE. Life is good...

{This girl}....would be exactly what I picture a little girl to be. She is funny, simply stunning, sassy and I think she really likes me. We have been fortunate enough to live super close to them these last couple of years and that has been great.  Can't believe your 5....love ya.

{Christmas}....is on it's way. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St.Nicholas soon will be there. The tree is decorated, all 15 feet of it, the top of the lights burned out but half a lit tree looks beautiful. The Nativity reminds me of the true meaning of Christmas and the little mans eyes lite up when he talks about baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph.  Christmas cards are showing up here and there, and I love getting them and seeing everyone's beautiful families. It's important, this time of year OPEN up your HEARTS and embrace the season. The Season for BELIEVING....

{My BOYS}....the melt my heart, I love them with all my heart. They are what I wake up for everyday. I don't always show it and sometimes after long days of trying to keep everyone happy, I just tear up and get emotional because I know in my heart I could be doing better as a mother. The age gap between my boys has been really hard this year. With Jaden almost going to be 18 and Jaxen just 6, they don't have a lot in common. What Jaxen wants to do Jaden thinks is lame and what Jaden wants to do Jaxen is not old enough or big enough to do.  However, these 2 crazies made me a MOM....they are my biggest and best accomplishments, my joy, my insanity, my kisses, my teacher and my future. Everything I do is with them on my mind. I love you doesn't really capture how my heart really feels. So instead of beating myself up everyday about doing better and being more, I am just gonna start doing better, slow down, not work so much, let their be a few crumbs on the counter and floor, play a game of Crazy 8's, enjoy my kids because in 6 months my oldest, cutest, smartest, happiest boy turns eighteen and my heart beats extra fast when I think about it and a little tear forms in the corner of my eye. Don't BLINK people it happens....they grow up and will soon be gone, and deep down I am nowhere near ready to let go. Life happens, it moves fast and looking back I could change a lot of things but looking forward I am proud of things I have accomplished. May we all enjoy this MAGICAL Holiday Season, and yes I might be a little bit biased but it just don't get any better than this....

{THIS}.....has been on my mind a lot lately. It has been nearly 7 months since the plane Brad was learning to fly went down. Many things have changed for the family, immediate and extended in that long 7 months. I miss this guy, I'm not gonna lie. We were buds, even though we didn't get to see each other a lot over the last few years, we were close. We were 18 years of doing almost everything together, we were the best of cousins, being only one month apart in age and living just down the block from each other. I now feel pain for his family almost every day, I feel pain. I love his wife Camille and am so proud of how she is handling the situation. It is tough, the kids struggle, they miss their dad and the life they used to have. Why is it that we take so many things in this life for granted, I have so much to be thankful for and I am truly blessed, but we always want more. Why is it ? Human Nature I suppose. This holiday season is going to be tough for the family and his kiddos, I wish I could do more, every day I wish I could do more. I pray for them, I think about them and I love them. May this Holiday Season bring peace to this family and to what once was. Let's try to be satisfied with what we have been given and not what we don't have. I miss you Brad, every day I miss you. I drive by your house often just to see if maybe it was all just a bad dream We love you and hope that you continue looking over those that you love.  Miss you....

{This little man of mine}....he has my heart, all of it. He is bit complicated and pushes my buttons, all of them about 3 times a day. He is smart and loves school,  he reads about 80 minutes every night. He informed me tonight that he is going to be an author and then turn his books into movies and be a producer. SHOOT for the stars little man. He is intense, everything he does is a competition. The latest is being the first kid to school, before the doors are even unlocked. He wants to be the first one at the door and boy if someone beats him there he does the 100 yard dash to get to the door. He sets his own alarm on his ipod and gets himself up every morning.  He loves all of Jaden's friend, especially Keat, if the weather is nice he gives Keatdog a call for a game of wiffle ball. It usually ends in tears and Jax gets mad and has to apologize for being rude. His cute chocolate brown eyes and splatter of freckles melt my heart. Life is good....